Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Randomize
