The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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