so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
