Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
