It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
And then my night got REAL pukey
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
The Olympian is in my bed
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
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