it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
