summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Randomize
