im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Randomize
