i would punch a child for taco bell
Welp...herpes.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
