i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Randomize
