i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
