Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
