operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
she peed on how many people?
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
