There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
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