I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
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