This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Randomize
