hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
