I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
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