I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
