I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Randomize
