imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
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