i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
May the power of my ass compel you!!
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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