You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Randomize
