Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
