This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
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