whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
