Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
