I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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