But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
