I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
