I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
Randomize
