i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
