So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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