Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
