i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
