I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Randomize
