i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
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