Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Randomize
