The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Drake has all the answers
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize
