I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
