He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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