Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
