Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
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