Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I am naked and annoyed.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
