Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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