i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
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