We won't sleep together?
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
