So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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