i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Randomize
