Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Randomize
