seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
You're a waste of cheezeits
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize
