I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Randomize
