he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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