yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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